A pair of blowout losses and serious injuries to his top two quarterbacks made last month one of the longest Septembers of Rick Neuheisel's life. There was no way to keep it positive. Punting was not winning. However bad it gets at UCLA, though, Neuheisel can look across the field Saturday and take solace in one thought: "At least I'm not Paul Wulff."

This is only partly because much of Wulff's life has been marked by tragedy, and much more because Washington State's early collapse is like a campy, nightmarish adaptation of the Bruins'. The Cougars lost four games by an average of 42 points, were force to move a kickoff up 18 hours only to be humiliated by Baylor and gave up 60 at home twice in a three-week span. Even in the game Wazzu actually won, against I-AA Portland State, it lost starting quarterback Gary Rogers to a cervical spine fracture and backup Kevin Lopina to another back injury. Twenty-two different Cougars made their first career starts in the first five games, including improbably-named redshirt freshman Marshall Lobbestael, who threw two interceptions, lost a fumble and was sacked three times in Saturday's 63-14 loss to another snake-bitten outfit, Oregon (down their top two passers, the Ducks started a true freshman, brought an unheralded junior college transfer off the bench and met zero resistance).

For all the sullen Washington State students who watched those debacles and disgustedly thought, "I can do better than that," Coach Wulff agrees! And encourages you to come on down, son:

The Cougars are holding a "campus tryout" for quarterback Monday. No kidding.

"We have to find somebody for the scout team," coach Paul Wulff said.
[...]
"I've never had to do this before," Wulff said. "There's got to be somebody enrolled that has played quarterback."

You had that one awesome pass at recess one time, right? If you can learn to take a snap from center, you're Paul Wulff's man. Forget the center, even: they'll put you in the shotgun if they have to. Beggars can't be choosers.

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Photo of Wulff via the Associated Press.