Like many people of my generation and profession, I can't remember much about life before the Internet, and I don't necessarily want to. I need the Web, and I need it mobile. If I didn't have a laptop to connect to the Internet, why, who knows what I might be liable to do ...

In desperate times, men do desperate things. Lie. Steal. Throw other people's high-priced electronics out of a three-story window. So before you judge Florida quarterback Cameron Newton for his multiple-felony arrest this afternoon, try to walk a mile in his huge, computer-less shoes:

Newton allegedly stole a Dell laptop from a UF student's dorm room and then threw it out of the window when UPD officers visited Newton's dorm today.
[...]
The officer found a black Dell laptop in Newton's room with the spelling "Cam Newton" in white letters on the lid, according to records.

The officers stepped away from Newton's room to call the student to see if serial numbers match, but the computer was gone when they returned, according to records. The computer was later found by a garbage dumpster outside of the Springs Complex. Newton's dorm was on the third floor of Springs.

Total damage: $1,700 for the computer, three felony charges of buglary, larceny and intimidating a witness, informant or victim (the report does not clarify this point) and one indefinite suspension from the team, which will probably last through the SEC Championship and spectacular bowl game. But Newton hasn't thrown a pass in a game since the closing minutes of the Hawaii blowout in the opener; how long can you expect a man-child to go without throwing something?

- - -
Hat tip: Andy.