Washington State • (1-11, 0-9 Pac-10)
There was no way the Cougars could fail to improve on coach Paul Wulff's debut effort in Pullman in 2008, a 2-10 catastrophe in which they were outscored by 31 points per game and had to go to overtime to vanquish winless Washington for their only conference victory. And yet the '09 Cougs found a new low, finishing dead last nationally in total defense and as the worst team in the Pac-10 (statistically speaking) in scoring offense, total offense, scoring defense, total defense, rushing offense, passing offense, pass efficiency offense, rushing defense, passing defense, pass efficiency defense, turnover margin, sacks, sacks allowed, third down offense, red zone offense, time of possession and reimbursement of therapy bills for the few fans that remained.

Wazzu didn't come any closer than 13 points to any Pac-10 opponent, but did manage to put together an overtime escape against SMU in which the Mustangs' 228-yard advantage in total offense was negated by five turnovers in a 30-27 Cougar win -- in the end, all that stood between Washington State and a perfect 0-12 disaster.

Eastern Michigan • (0-12, 0-8 MAC)
Rookie coach Ron English was supposed to bring a defensive pedigree to Ypsilanti, but the Eagles finished with the nation's worst rushing defense and were gouged for a MAC-worst 38 points per game opposite the conference's least productive offense. The goose egg in the win column wasn't without its close calls: EMU dropped an early upset bid at Northwestern when the Wildcats hit a last-second field goal, and later blew a two-touchdown lead in the second half of a 29-27 loss to Ball State. They wouldn't get closer than a touchdown in any other game.

Western Kentucky • (0-12, 0-8 Sun Belt)
The Hilltoppers are due some sympathy in their first season as a full-fledged member of the I-A ranks, but there's no way to overlook a defense that finished among the bottom three nationally in every major category and allowed at least 62 points three times -- including once in a 68-49 loss to fellow Sun Belt bottom dweller North Texas, which scored as many points against WKU in the second half alone (40) as it did in any other game all season. At least the Hilltoppers remained feisty after coach David Elson was fired in early November, leading each of his last three games well into the second half before falling in increasingly depressing fashion.

Maryland • (2-10, 1-7 ACC)
The Terps matched a school record for losses behind the nation's 103rd-ranked offense and the most generous defense in the ACC, one that allowed 30-plus points on seven different occasions. Two of those were against I-AA James Madison and Sun Belt tomato can Middle Tennessee in September, ostensible gimmes that turned out to be a razor-thin overtime win and a one-point loss, respectively, setting the tone for a disastrous conference season that included losses to Virginia, Duke and N.C. State.

New Mexico • (1-11, 1-7 Mtn. West)
The Lobos were the picture of dysfunction, losing their first 10 games by an average of three touchdowns against the backdrop of first-year coach Mike Locksley allegedly punching an assistant coach in September. That incident earned Locksley a 10-day suspension, after which the team improved enough to throw scares into San Diego State and BYU before finally knocking off fading Colorado State (see below) on a last-second field goal for its only win.

Vanderbilt • (2-10, 0-8 SEC)
Off its first winning season in 25 years, Vandy turned a corner -- right back into their traditional resting place in the SEC cellar, where the Commodores crashed hard via the conference's worst offense. Vandy averaged all of nine points in the process of losing every league game, somehow adding an overtime loss to Army along the way to seal an eight-game losing streak over the last two months. At least they have youth as an excuse: The top two rushers and the leading receiver were all freshmen, and quarterback Larry Smith was only a sophomore.

Miami (Ohio) • (1-11, 1-7 MAC)
It took the Red Hawks more than full 10 quarters to get on the board for the first time and nearly 10 full games to get rookie coach Mike Hayward his first win, a 31-24 Halloween triumph over Toledo. Miami finished with the nation's worst turnover margin, giving the ball away at least four times in six different games en route to a staggering 36 giveaways for the season.

Memphis • (2-10, 1-7 Conference USA)
The usually respectable Tigers seemed like lame ducks well before longtime coach Tommy West was canned in early November, turning in seven uncompetitive losses in the first nine games while local columnists began calling time of death on the West era as early as September. Memphis lost its last six over the season's final month-and-a-half, the high point of which was easily West's Molotov cocktail of a farewell press conference.

New Mexico State • (3-10, 1-7 WAC)
Another first-year coach, DeWayne Walker, did what he could in Las Cruces, including a rare upset over cross-state rival New Mexico (see above), but the Aggies limped in at dead last nationally in both scoring and total offense, averaging just 11.5 points on an embarrassing 229 yards per game. Opposing defenses -- including the likes of Idaho, Fresno State, Hawaii and San Jose State, four of the worst defenses in the nation by far -- held NMSU to 10 points or fewer seven times, with a high of 21 in a September win over I-AA Prairie View.

Colorado State • (3-9, 0-8 Mtn. West)
You would have never pegged the Rams for this list in September, when they opened 3-0 with upsets over rival Colorado and bowl-bound Nevada. From there, though, it was straight downhill, into the mouth of the deepest known canyon, through the earth's surface and several layers of hard crust into a fiery abyss: CSU lost its last nine, falling to perennial Mountain West patsies San Diego State and UNLV by double digits, lying prostrate for New Mexico's only win of the season and closing the year with another last-minute loss, a blown fourth-quarter lead at Wyoming that sent the Cowboys bowling for only the second time in 17 years. Everyone's wish came true against Colorado State. (Well, unless you're Dan Hawkins, in which case, at least you still get to keep your job.)

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Dishonorable Mention: Akron (3-9), Ball State (2-10), Baylor (4-8), Colorado (3-9), Florida International (3-9), North Texas (2-10), Rice (2-10), San Jose State (2-10), Tulane (3-9), Virginia (3-9).