Lame game(s) of the week.

Bottom of the Barrel: Pitt (3-1) at Louisville (1-2)
You like holding calls, kids? Pitt is 94th in penalties and nobody really seems to know why, and by "nobody", we mean "nobody on the coaching staff which teaches these things." And now that Dave Wannstedt's finally obliged faithful viewers with the traditional boneheaded collapse, you'd think the casual fan would lose interest, and you'd be absolutely right. "But it's the conference opener!" you squeal. And right you are! Attention must be paid. So, we have Probably Not Fired Right Now (Wannstedt) versus So, So Fired Unless He Wins Ten Games And He Won't (Kragthorpe). The suspense is ... it's surprisingly bearable, actually.

The Rest of the Worst:

• Northwestern (2-2) at Purdue (1-3)
Gone are the days when Wildcat fans looked forward to another early stretch of dominion from smart kids who could actually play football. Gone, too, are the days when Boilermaker faithful were confident Joe Tiller's succession would go off without a hitch. Here now are two viable contenders for the bottom of the Big Ten, who between them have losses to Syracuse and Northern Illinois. Taste the excitement! ... No, wait, I'm sorry. That's apathy with a twist of contempt. Moving on!

• Cincinnati (4-0) at Miami, Ohio (0-4)
The bloodbath at the birdbath! Who's going to beat the Bearcats? Not these guys. If neighborhood sadism's your thing, this'll be a good chance to watch Brian Kelly's eyes go red with that "Kill Kill Kill" look when relaying plays into robo-QB Tony Pike against the nation's 119th-ranked scoring defense -- and defense is the Redhawks' strength: They're 120th, dead last, in scoring offense after failing to score in either of their first two games against Kentucky and Boise State. This won't be pretty. But get a real opponent, Cincy (like, say, South Florida next week) and we'll get interested in a hurry.

• Kansas State (2-2) at Iowa State (3-1)
The erstwhile punching bags of the Big 12 North (by which we mean the Cyclones, losers of nine straight conference games dating back to 2007, though we understand your confusion) may have some fight in 'em this year -- enough to get past three overmatched opponents, anyway. That's not enough to get us to tune in when the opponent is K-State, however, still looking for its first win over a I-A opponent after a depressingly predictable loss at Louisiana-Lafayette two weeks ago. Looking at the Wildcats' schedule, it's not hard to imagine them losing every remaining game, beginning with this one.

• Florida State (2-2) at Boston College (3-1)
Why are you forcing this on us, GameDay? Why? (Here's why. But still, that's just mean.)

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Holly welcomes your adulation and veiled threats at nastinchka-at-yahoo, etc.