First of all, cheer up, Auburn: It's Optimism Day! Now, for the main event:

That man, as Auburn fans are no doubt well aware, is Jimmy Rane, founder of Great Southern Wood, namesake of the Jimmy Rane Foundation, member of the Auburn Board of Trustees and now best known across the South as the Man in the Yellow Hat for his role in the ubiquitous commercials.

According to a very plausible though not at all confirmed first draft of Tommy Tuberville's exit from the Plains on Bleacher Report, Rane (rather than the much-loathed busybody Bobby Lowder, who notoriously orchestrated the JetGate scandal of 2003) is also the booster who set the dominoes in motion after the Iron Bowl:

The night Alabama drilled Auburn 36-0, a prominent Auburn booster (not the usual bank-owning one but one who sells pressure-treated wood and wears a yellow hat) made a phone call. This may have been a $5.1 million phone call.

That phone call was allegedly to Houston Nutt, who quickly showed up alongside Mike Leach in reports as potential successors even as Tuberville was in an endless series of discussions with Auburn officials. Houston Nutt's agent? One Jimmy Sexton, agent to the coaching stars, including -- something you might want to check out before dialing Nutt -- Tommy Tuberville.

It so happens that Tuberville's "victory" in JetGate led to a clause in his contract that Auburn would not conduct any coaching searches without his notification. So when Rane allegedly called Nutt, Nutt talked to Sexton, Sexton talked to Tuberville, Tuberville walked into somebody's office the following Monday to resign and ask for his buyout money as a breach of contract -- as a trustee, Yella Fella is an "Auburn official." This might explain why Auburn insisted it was a resignation and not a termination, and why newspapers are reporting that Lowder's fingers are not on this hire.

Postscript: Gene Chizik's agent? Jimmy Sexton, of course. So Sexton's clients in this menage come out with a) A $5 million buyout on top of whatever Tuberville will make as a coach or TV analyst in 2009, b) A nice raise and extension when Ole Miss got wind that Auburn (who, after all, stole Tuberville from the Rebels in 1998's Pine Box Affair) might be interested in Nutt, and c) A plum job at a potential SEC power despite an abysmal record at Iowa State. All of that is definitely true. For its part in the more conspiratorial version of events, Auburn ensured Sexton's "cooperation" -- that is, his agreement to ward off another scandal over freelancing boosters by staying out of the media -- by hiring the most feasible client on his roster.

And, if you're of the mind that Chizik's hiring means another five years of in-state dominance and a lifetime extension for another Sexton client, Nick Saban, there's that, too. Not a bad weekend (allegedly) for a guy on commission.

UPDATE: Brian, playing curmudgeon as usual, says this is compeltely bogus, mainly based on his low opinion (generally shared by me) of Bleacher Report. I reserve the right to toss around flawed (if still plausible) conspiracy theories in a post clearly labeled "rumor," but that's another opinion for you.