Odds are you were drinking, sleeping or weeping through Texas' blowout over UTEP Saturday night, and if so, you missed a banner broadcast night for that certain part of the male anatomy, per those crazy kids at ESPN2 (the first video, featuring extreme pain, is America's Funniest Home Videos-style fun for the entire family; the second, featuring at least moderate pleasure, might require some discretion):

Kudos in video two to Mark Jones, who cannot describe the act in question as an on-air representative of the Worldwide Leader, but who I strongly suspect saw the happy couple, thought "YouTube immortality . . ." and let his telestrating pen take viewers to the river of candid hilarity. It's these moments of subversion that make the talking heads seem almost human. Almost.

At least we know what the distracted punter was staring at before the evaporation of his future children.

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Hat tip on both vids to the tireless Spencer Hall at EDSBS and The Sporting Blog