It's official: Ohio State may be No. 2 by the AP, No. 3 in the Coaches' poll and No. 1 by prognostoscenti consensus, but the verdict is on Abstract America's verdict on the Buckeyes, and, as usual, Abstract America has no idea what it's talking about.

It's been a banner week for everybody's favorite preseason meme -- we know you Confederate flag-draped, run-on-sentence-ranting ruffians think Ohio State sucks by the inherent nature of its very existence after the last two mythical championship games, but we hate to inform you, they're actually kinda awesome this time. Stewart Mandel, for example, gets e-mail, and therefore he knows you probably think OSU is a fraud. But he puts them atop his season-opening power rankings, anyway, because -- unlike you American Idol-obsessing, CAPS LOCKING aeresol huffers -- he's looked at the depth chart. The Columbus Dispatch's Rob Oller, too, knows the Buckeyes have a national rep as overhyped, underachieving frauds, but that's just the uncouth crowing of smug, unemployed, probably pants-less SEC fans who spend their ample free time inventing new ways to drift further from reality. And the Cleveland Plain Dealer actually gets corner Malcolm Jenkins to apologize to the country for his team's ambition in the face of widespread "Buckeye fatigue." Harris Poll voter Kenny Roda of WKNR AM/850 and noted publisher/pod person Phil Steele may be unbiased, but they've talked to people around the country, and boy, do those morons hate Ohio State.

Does Ohio State care what Abstract America thinks? Other than the rhetorically apologetic Jenkins, no, no it does not: "We can go play 20 times in a row and it wouldn't bother me," OSU quarterback Todd Boeckman said. "It doesn't bother us at all."

So suck on that, Deadspin commenters. You're not going to ruin this season before it even has a chance to ruin itself.

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Image of Todd Boeckman via US Presswire.