• How about "World's Largest Outdoor Quilting Bee"? Piggybacking on his Georgia counterpart's 2006 call to eliminate the beloved nickname, "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party," Florida president Bernie Machen has asked Jacksonville to restrict alcohol sales on game day, most notably at the popular Landing, where Machen would like to see the number of locations selling alcohol cut in half and shots banned altogether.

I can't possible imagine why ...

Actually, revelry and YouTube'd embarrassment probably concerns Machen much less than a pair of student deaths in 2004 and 2005, followed by a non-student death in 2006 when a Florida fan fell down a flight of stairs at the Tailgate Bar and Grill; the resulting "sideline safe zones" are apparently falling short of their objectives -- not surprising in a rivalry so intrinsically devoted to drinking and destroying property.

Of course, Machen's request sends another, subtler message: The game isn't going anywhere.

• That's "Boomer Sooner," coach, not "Booger." Oklahoma, you're in front of a worldwide television audience at Sunday's epic Wimbledon final -- represent:

Presumably, the resourceful miner is not a random OU fan but Andy Roddick's older brother John, brand new tennis coach at Oklahoma, who simply picked an inopportune time to try out his Chase Daniel impersonation. Not that there's anything wrong with that: If'n you got the bread and honey to be at that sorta itch and scratch, mate, I suppose you're the Jimmy O'Goblin o' yer own Irish Rose. (Hat tip: Brad.)

• Chang of Fools. Being a nostalgic sort himself, the Doc understands why ex-Hawaii quarterback Timmy Chang might be eager to relive his glory days in June Jones' run-and-shoot, but it seems he could have picked a better time for a flashback:

Former record-setting University of Hawai'i quarterback Timmy Chang was arrested yesterday after a woman reported that a man stole her camera as she filmed a brawl last month.
[...]
Police said the incident occurred shortly after midnight June 1 in the Pearlridge area. A large fight broke out and a 23-year-old woman told police she began to record the brawl on her camera.

A man, identified by police as Chang, allegedly told the woman to stop filming the fight. A struggle ensued, police said, and the man pulled the camera from the woman's wrist and threw it on the roof of a nearby building.

Of course, he was aiming for the dumpster beside the building, but what do you expect from a guy who threw 80 career interceptions?

Chang was released without charges pending further investigation, but his plan to catch on with the Warriors' athletic department (do they have money to hire right now?) is probably suffering a setback, anyway.

• Proud to be an American, where at least I know we will not hesitate to run up the score. The up-and-coming recruits of Team USA, matched up against the most polite yet in a series of overmatched fodder in the IFAF Junior World Championship, finished off Canada 41-3 Sunday in the final game of the tournament and running its record to 3-0 by a combined score of 174-3 over France, Mexico and Canada. It was so easy, Baylor signee Bryce Petty seemed to feel a little dirty about having three touchdown passes to his name:

"We've got athletes. I had nothing to do with it," Petty said of his perfect day. "I can get my 12-year-old sister out there and throw a 5-yard pass. I'm just so blessed to be part of this and have the athletes around me that can do that type of thing."

Tennessee has requested film of Petty's sister but has yet to extend a scholarship offer.

Quickly ... Vince Young on Steve McNair. ... Iowa running back Jewel Hampton suffered a knee injury during non-contact drills last week. Maybe I jinxed him? ... A expected, Notre Dame tight end Joseph Fauria ia transferring to UCLA, right around the corner from his high school. ... The Columbus Dispatch looks at Jake Stoneburner's odds of reviving the receiving tight end at Ohio State. ... Chad Henne on Michigan's move to the spread. ... Dwight Freeney gives Doug Marrone three years to get Syracuse in the right direction. ... More attrition at Alabama. ... Revisiting the birth of Florida State's dynasty. ... USC is knocking out its obligatory Thursday opener for the 21st Century a little earlier than usual. ... And obviously Jeff Demps didn't get the word about the Melon Run.