• Not the wins, too! Florida State president T.K. Wetherell, whose name somehow evokes in my mind images of a fine set of road-hugging tires, intends to appeal the sanction requiring FSU to vacate up to 14 football victories as punishment for 25 players taking a music history class in which tests were given along with answers. Oh no, your honor. It's not the conviction that concerns me; it's the sentencing. How about we just forget that part, huh? No, no, no, O' Esteemed Mullah, I do not so much mind your wise deliberation and consequent finding that I have taken another man's wife, but might we forego the castration, hmm? Please let us just stipulate to the fact that we are unmitigated miscreants, but LET US STAY WITHIN ONE GAME OF PATERNO! The FSU board is "100 percent behind the decision to appeal the penalty," of course.

• Not the pantry, too! P.J. Hill, former Wisconsin running back, was arrested early Saturday morning on suspicion of drunken driving and leading police on a chase. Hill, at some time just prior to 2:30 a.m., headed to the Open Pantry because it was, you know, open. And a pantry. And because big guys need beer and chips, aaiight? On his way out, he hit a guard rail with his car, which really, man, should not have been there at all because that's where the car was, you know? When police spotted Hill at a traffic light, Hill sped off, and the officers chased him until he ran the car into a detaining wall. I'm sorry, retaining wall. And so P.J. Hill, third-leading rusher in Badger history, was arrested at gunpoint, deprived of the opportunity for an attitude makeover before the obligatory mug shot, and "tentatively" charged with two felonies and a handful of less serious charges.

Madison authorities sent Hill on his way Monday after he posted a "signature bond," a term that either means "athletes getting out of jail by signing autographs" or refers to some designer label bond from France or some place equally as snooty. They're all the rage, I hear. The worst part? One of the conditions of Hill's bail is that he cannot be in or around the Open Pantry. Poor P.J. is reportedly in negotiations with Bobby Bowden to swap a few wins for anytime-access to beer and snack cakes.

Quickly ... Dr. Jon A. Steinbrecher has been appointed commissioner of the Mid-American Conference. ... Nevada running back Luke Lippincott has been granted a sixth year of eligibility after tearing both the ACL and MCL in his left knee against Texas Tech last season. ... Boston College starting LB Mike McLaughlin will be out for the spring, having torn his Achilles during a conditioning drill last week. ... Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy's famous tirade may have "basically ended [QB Bobby Reid's] life," but, oddly, it's paying dividends with recruits, even allowing The Man to convince three of the top prospects in the state of Georgia to become Cowboys. ... Georgia has released LB Dexter Moody from his letter of intent due to a recent suspension Moody received for threatening one of his teachers. ... All-ACC QB Russell Wilson is about a week away from receiving medical clearance to return to NC State. ... Former Washington Husky player Marquis Cooper may have died just a few hours after the boat he was in capsized. ... Frank Beamer and Terry Bowden will take part in a special 50-lap celebrity race at Bristol Motor Speedway on Saturday night. ... BYU may not hold a spring game this year because the new playing surface likely won't be ready.

When not attempting to fill in the spacious shoes of the Doc, Joel Hollingsworth blogs at the Tennessee Volunteer community Rocky Top Talk.