Thu May 14 11:29am EDT
I woke up this morning to a world where the sky is a little bit bluer, birds sing extra harmonically, and even the hobos outside my windows bang on the trash cans in a pleasing rhythmic manner. There's only one possible explanation: At last, Greg Paulus has chosen a football program!
"My heart and my gut told me Syracuse was the best place for me," Paulus said.
Paulus, 6-foot-1, 180 pounds, also made official visits to Michigan and Nebraska before making his decision. He worked out for the Green Bay Packers in April, sparking a renewed interest in playing football.
While we applaud Paulus (whom we understand we're supposed to loathe, since he played basketball at Duke, right?) for picking a program where he might actually see playing time despite his four-year hiatus from organized football -- as of the end of spring practice, the Orange's new starting quarterback is Ryan Nassib, an obscure redshirt freshman even by the standards of obscure redshirt freshmen at Syracuse -- we are wondering whether Paulus' heart and gut have his best interests in mind.
Specifically, we wonder how those respective organs will feel when the former high school All-American is being mashed into the dirt/synthetic AstroPlay by a 300-pound defensive tackle with halitosis and little to no regard for their host's well-being. Syracuse's quarterback record in pass protection is best understood by its nonexistence: In the Greg Robinson era, 'Cuse finished 109th in sacks allowed in 2005, 116th in 2006, 118th in 2007 and 98th last year. So even if Paulus can't beat out Nassib as the starter, he could be only a blindside helmet to the kidney away. (That is, if he can beat the bureaucrats first: Admit it, you would laugh to the point of uncontrollable, hiccuping sobs to see the NCAA deny Paulus the waiver he needs to play this fall, rendering his much-publicized courtship completely moot. Don't lie, now.)