• Where for art thou, Beanie? Assuming Chris Wells' presence Saturday night equals viewers for ABC, Brent Musburger has a direct personal incentive in Wells' suiting up against Southern Cal. So his oft-replayed, optimistic parsing of Beanie's status throughout the night and early this morning on ESPN is worth about as much -- that is to say, as little -- as any other report. The official word from Jim Tressel's mouth remains "doubtful," but what did the Sweater Vest really mean by "doubtful"? Doubtful if the game was played Thursday? Because the game was not played Thursday. His foot could still get better!

The Columbus Dispatch intrepidly uncovered that Eddie George is sure Beanie wants to play, while the CD's Ken Gordon is sure the late-breaking news is not a ploy, and is actually talking medical redshirt. At least some OSU partisans are mortified, but reading the tea leaves behind the pay wall on Buckeye message boards, everyone who KNOWS SOMETHING via the OSU athletic department fully expects Wells to play, so much so that they're sitting around having a nice, long laugh about the ping pong trajectory of the "story," which in fact hasn't changed at all from where they sit. Because Beanie will play. Beanie must play. Just keep repeating until it's true. Beanie will play. Beanie must play . . .

For his part, Pete Carroll could not care less:

“I don’t know that it makes any difference at all at this point,” Carroll said. “We had to prepare for their offense. We got to see them last week with him not playing. We’re going to have to adapt in some regard.”

• Bludgeon him once for old U. Depending on who you ask, five South Carolina backups were involved in "a little tussle" or "a lunchtime brawl" Thursday, apparently instigated by "individuals who are definitely non-USC students." Because Gamecocks -- in this case, C.C. Whitlock, Terrence Campbell, Melvin Ingram, Akeem Augste and Antonio Allen -- would only resort to fisticuffs to defend their university's honor, we're sure. No injuries, no charges filed, and no discipline pending investigation.

• Adjust accordingly. Hurricane Ike continued to wreak havoc on schedules in Texas and thereabouts. The final tally in I-A games, so far:

• Arkansas at Texas: Postponed to Aug. 27
  • Missouri State at Oklahoma State: Moved to noon Saturday
  • Washington State at Baylor: Moved to 7:30 p.m. tonight
  • Air Force at Houston: Moved to SMU's stadium in Dallas, 2:30 p.m. Saturday
  • Stanford at TCU: Moved to noon Saturday.

Poor Washington State fans who'd planned to fly to Texas tonight for a morning kickoff Saturday -- tickets, air far, hotel, all shot, unless they plan to just enjoy a leisurely weekend in Waco after a possibly embarrassing, season-breaking loss to the moderately improving Bears. I mean, assuming there are any Washington State fans left after last week's embarrassing, season-breaking loss.

Quickly . . .

Did Joe Paterno lie to a reporter about his recent contact with Penn State president Graham Spanier? . . . What's with all the passing at Pitt? . . . Wisconsin's Kirk DeCremer talks about his career-ending back injury. . . . Tennessee tight end Brandon Warren is getting a crash course at fullback before his first game in Neyland Stadium. . . . Mississippi State plans to kick away from Auburn's Robert Dunn. . . . Nebraska and Miami will play a home-and-home in 2014 and 2015, if we're still around then. . . . Georgia Tech will probably be without a pair of receivers, Demaryius Thomas and Correy Earls, at Virginia Tech. . . . Florida State has completed its report to the NCAA re: the academic scandal that left a third of the team on suspension. . . . And those Chick-Fil-A-sponsored "Bring On Georgia" signs at last week's Arizona State game? Work of the locals, not the succulent restaurant's sweet, delicious headquarters in Atlanta.

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Photo of Tressel and Wells via Getty Images; Photo of distraught Washington State fans via the Associated Press.