Alert readers might remember that Duke successfully argued its way out of a lawsuit earlier this year by proving, in effect, that Duke Football sucks -- in short, Louisville sued over a broken game contract that held Duke liable for damages if the Cardinals couldn't find a "team of similar stature" to fill the spot on the schedule. It was an easy sell for the crack legal minds in Durham, obviously, that every team is of at least a similar stature to Duke, because Duke is, you know, Duke. Thus it was decreed: it is not legally possible to be of a lesser stature than Duke Football.

That's well and good. But as of Monday, now you can actually watch and listen to Duke's own lawyer tear her university's beloved student-athletes into tiny, helpless shreds, legally speaking:

Succint and effective: I vote 'guilty' on all counts of extreme futility. David Cutcliffe seems intent on relegating that reputation to obscure textbooks, but for now, not even a Tar Heel could have said it better.

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Hat tip: The Sporting Blog.