WASHINGTON — UCLA head coach Rick Neuheisel received an angry and skeptical reception on Capitol Hill Tuesday when he appeared before the Senate Appropriations Committee to ask Congress to promptly give him unprecedented authority to rescue the Bruins' rapidly failing quarterback situation.

Neuheisel appeared in support of a bill proposed by Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) that would authorize the coach to select any three quarterbacks in the Pac-10 in return for increased federal regulation of the Bruin program. Arguing UCLA football is "too awesome to fail," he urged lawmakers “to enact this bill quickly and cleanly, and avoid slowing it down with restrictions.” Neuheisel is not good with restrictions, he added, and he needs "Rudy Carpenter or Mark Sanchez, somebody like that" in the lineup by the end of the week to avoid catastrophe.

With injuries to its top two passers prior to the season and dreadful efforts by transfer Kevin Craft in two straight blowout losses, ticket holders and other emotional investors in the Bruins panicked before Neuheisel opened the job to competition on Monday. Offensive coordinator Norm Chow, who appeared with Neuheisel, said the quarterbacks “continue to be very unpredictable, and very worrisome,” and that inaction by Congress could lead to further recession in Bruin scoring and an increased imbalance in the Southern California football monopoly.

One after another, however, senators from both parties said that, while they were prepared to move fast to pull UCLA from the utter ruin of a 90-10 scoring deficit against BYU and Arizona, they were far from ready to give the coaches everything they wanted in their proposed three-quarterback plan, which seeks tall, strong-armed transfers -- two of whom will redshirt, preferably -- from conference rivals.

Senator Christopher J. Dodd (D-CT), chairman of the Senate appropriations panel, called the UCLA proposal “stunning and unprecedented in its scope and lack of draws and screens to slow the pass rush.”

“Nobody doubts the situation is dire and some kind of intervention is necessary for stability," Dodd said. "But after reading this proposal, I can only conclude that it is not only the immediate future of UCLA football that is at risk, but the health of anyone who steps under center there, as well."

Another expression of disgust came from Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY), who said the plan would “take UCLA’s pain and spread it to the entire Pac-10.”

“It’s quarterback socialism, and it’s un-American,” Bunning said.

Dodd called the Bruins' quarterback crisis “entirely foreseeable and preventable, not an act of God,” and said that it angered him to think about “the authors of this calamity” walking away with the usual contract extensions while more prudent recruiters pick up the bill.

Neuheisel said in response to questions that he shared the senators’ exasperation. “I’m not only concerned, I’m angry” over the injuries that led to the crisis, Neuheisel said. He blamed an outdated training system for the turmoil and, in an effort to counter any impression that the proposed rescue plan was orchestrated by fat-cat Bruin boosters, said: “This is all about the Pac-10. That is all we are about.”

He and Chow said that the problems in the conference's quarterback recruiting industry were the core of the crisis but that the problems would continue to spread far outside UCLA if the crisis in the recruiting markets were not addressed, and soon. Chow pointed to recent spates of quarterback injuries at Oregon and Washington State as evidence of a growing trend. Congress balked at quarterback aide to the Northwest earlier this week, arguing the Ducks and Cougars' success wasn't essential to the conference's reputation as a whole and they could "sink or swim with a walk-on or whatever."

Chow, however, warned in his testimony that “if quarterback conditions at UCLA fail to improve for a protracted period, the implications for the broader conference landscape could be quite adverse.” He reminded the senators at one point that the Pac-10 has failed to put an at-large team in the BCS since 2002.

Deliberations are expected to continue through the week, or until Ben Olson can put his full weight on his broken foot.

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Photo of Neuheisel via US Presswire; Photo of Kevin Craft via the Associated Press. Satire adapted from The New York Times.