Sat Nov 14 05:17pm EST
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Ole Miss 42, Tennessee 17. Ole Miss' all-purpose star, Dexter McCluster, had a career day to say the least in the Rebels' biggest win of the season, in which the senior speedster ...
• Accounted for two-thirds of the Rebels' total yards from scrimmage and outgained Tennessee's entire offense, 324 yards to 275, with four touchdowns to the Vols' two.
• Averaged 11.2 yards per touch, with gains of 15, 17, 20, 23, 15, 32, 16, 16 and 71 yards, during which he contemplated the opening chapter of his forthcoming thesis, "Flux Calibration for a Chaotic Torsional Pendulum." Tennessee had five plays of 15 yards and none longer than 25.
• Led a halftime discussion of the recently released, posthumous Nabokov novel, cobbled together from the author's hand-written notes and published against his explicit wishes by his son, and the implications of sacrificing the artist's personal wishes regarding unfinished work for the perceived benefit of the literary canon -- or even just for sales.
• Performed his own modified version of the Heimlich maneuver on a small child choking on a kernel of popcorn behind the Rebel bench, also correcting her degenerative scoliosis in the process before politely rebuffing her older sister's breathless offer to "repay him."
• Personally gained more yards against Tennessee than the Vols allowed to Florida's entire offense (323) in September or to Alabama's offense (256) last month. McCluster's total against UT also outpaced Western Kentucky, UCLA and Georgia's entire offensive outputs against the Vols, and he personally accounted for more points (24) than any offense against Tennessee except Auburn (26) and Memphis (28).
• Briefly left the stadium to pull a pregnant woman from her vehicle following a small car crash in the parking lot and assisted in the delivery of a healthy baby boy (name: Dexter). Swaddling the newborn in his No. 22 jersey, McCluster took off down the road to apprehend the drunk driver accused of causing and racing away from the hit and run, eventually agreeing in a fit of sympathy to represent the repentant man in his court proceddings on a pro bono basis in exchange for his promise to enroll in a rehabilitation program on Monday morning.
• After the game, finally converted Tennessee assistant Ed Orgeron from his former head coach's deeply-held Cajun Mesopaganism to a progressive, nondenominational version of Christianity, overseeing Coach O's baptism in the south end zone and convincing a skeptical Monte Kiffin to at least take an informational tract.
• Delivered the second-highest single-game total in yards from scrimmage in Division I-A this season, and the highest total in the SEC (besting Mark Ingram's 269-yard effort against South Carolina) by more than 50 yards.