"Oh, this coat and tie? And the earrings? Totally bought them myself. Own money. Yep. Heh ... "

None of us are in elementary school anymore, which means "Friday surprise" has lost all meaning. It used to be so ... surprising. Also: gross.

Instead we'll have to settle for sarcastic non-surprises about sports. In this quest, I give you O.J. Mayo, and the art of the denial (via FH):

"My family hasn't accepted anything, so I'm just waiting for the NCAA to do what they have to do to prove that I haven't done anything wrong," Mayo said. Mayo had just completed his last school final when he paused to speak to a reporter. "I can't speak for what Rodney has done," he said. "God forbid, he hasn't done anything. But I know for a fact that I haven't accepted anything."

"I understand compliance and I understand the rules," Mayo said. "Any meal, I wouldn't pay for everybody but I would at least pay my end. When I went to go shop every once in a while, [Guillory] might have taken me to the store in his vehicle, but he didn't pay for any clothes for me."

There's at least one thing encouraging about this: at least Mayo understood the rules. Like, he knows what they are. Presumably, so do other players. This is something.

Other than that, what conclusion can you draw? If there are receipts of purchases Rodney Gulliory made for Mayo -- extensive and expensive purchases -- no Mayo denial is going to do much to convince people he didn't receive things receipts say he did. That includes his cell phone, which, when called by ESPN reporter Andy Katz, was apparently the same number found in one of Guillory's recepits. So ... yeah.

It's nice of O.J. to try and help his former school as it stares down big NCAA trouble, but at this point, the cat is out of the bag, and the horse is out of the barn, and there's no use closing the bag, or barn, or both, now. Plus, Mayo probably deserved to get paid anyway. Heresy! But true.

Related: Ill-behaved People, Pac-10 Basketball