Courtesy of Eleven Warriors comes the news that the Big Ten is hosting a slam poetry contest in conjunction with the Big Ten basketball tournament this year. Hopefully, the conference is deeper in spoken word artists than they are in quality basketball teams.

Through some investigative reporting (my specialty), I've gotten my hands on a couple of entries into the tournament. First, from an Illinois student:

Traitor, Eric Gordon
You are a disgrace
You chose another school
So I'll throw bricks at your face
I'm mad because we suck
But my anger is not misplaced
I'm going to cut off your head
Because we need something to fill our trophy case

And this, from a Northwestern fan:

Yeah, we suck at basketball
But at 1-17, we are not appalled
We spend our time in study hall
So tell me, genius Badger, what's the capital of Nepal?
That's what I thought, moron, you couldn't be much dimmer
You get excited about sports, but you need to simmer
Matching intellect against us, of hope, you haven't a glimmer
And if I need help, I'll just call Northwestern grad, Mr. David Schwimmer
THAT'S RIGHT, PUNK, SCHWIMMER

Feel free to submit your own entries.

• The Big Ten, One Cool Cat / Eleven Warriors

Related: Big Ten Basketball